Indiana Problem

The day after my toad circus, the toads

were all dead, crunchy and silent

in their window well. I wanted to draw

a doorway to walk through to get to

the world of lilacs: purple, contagious

green leaves, no movement but the

steady invisible breathing of flowers. I

knew I had to tell someone what I had

done so I first walked quickly to the park

and stayed there until dusk, sitting on

the glider or middle of the rusty and

dangerous merry-go-round, I can’t

remember which. When it was nearly

dark I walked home, certain that they

were worried and maybe even out looking

for me. When I got home I saw them busy

in the kitchen through the window, so I

hid in the backyard until it was good

and dark and waited, holding a stick

on the swingset in the darkness,

the attic in my head creaking open

for the first time and I went in.